The Chaff

Sunday, April 11th, 2004

A new drinking game!

Here’s how it works:

I tell you the story of the events that occurred in the three weeks between the time we signed the contract to sell our house and the moment we signed the closing papers. Each expletive is two drinks, each question mark is one drink, each Yaaaaaay! is pass your drink to your neighbor.

1) We had to replace the roof because the insurance companies wouldn’t write a new policy on the house ($%#@*&!!!!)

2) The air conditioning coil went out and had to be replaced ($%#@*&!!!!)

3) The buyer’s loan fell through because, apparently, each time you get a quote on home insurance, it dings your credit rating a minimum of 3 points. So after she went through six or seven companies to find insurance, her mortgage company decided she wasn’t a good risk anymore. (?????????)

4) The buyer had to switch to FHA financing…which requires another home inspection… ($%#@*&!!!!)

5) FHA inspectors are very picky. They wouldn’t approve the loan until we replaced a light switch cover, and the hall toilet, which inexplicaby *cracked* in the two weeks since the first inspection. (????????)

6) At this point, the buyer stepped up and said she would pay for any further repairs needed to meet the FHA requirements. (Yaaaaaaay!)

7) The mortgage company (slower than a distracted kiddo who doesn’t want to go to bed) discovers that in the past two years, they rezoned our area into a 100 year flood plain. It wasn’t in a flood zone two years ago, and they’ve spent a lot of money improve the storm drainage in that area. (????????)

The mortgage company tells the buyer that she won’t have to buy flood insurance because our particular house sits EIGHT FRICKIN FEET above the HIGH end of the street. (In other words, if flood waters ever actually reach this house, they will be running red with the blood of infidels, cause it’s the Second Frickin Coming.) (yaaaaay!) {Insert digression of how much it must suck to be Jesus–coming only twice in over 2000 years. No wonder he comes back pissed!}

9) Mortgage company legal department (”Can you say ‘Damn lawyers?’ I knew that you could!”) tells buyer no, she does need flood insurance, to the tune of an extra $1,000 a year. ($%#@*&!!!!)

10) Buyer sucks it up and says, “Ok, I can live with that.” (yaaaaay!!!)

11) Three days later, the mortgage company still hasn’t sent the completed paperwork to the title company. (???????????)

12) Our agent and the buyers agent call up the mortgage company. They both discover that all the loan papers are signed and approved, everything is ready to go. All they have to do is prep the papers and send them to the title company…but the mortgage company is so understaffed and backed up that our papers are in a looooooong queue. ($%#@*&!!!!) They both ream them out and force them to promise to send the papers by the end of the week. (yaaaaay!)

13) Friday morning (this would be the Friday before Easter), our agent calls the mortgage company to check on the papers. A child answers the phone (?????????) and says his mother (the mortgage agent) is out getting her hair done. No, there are no adults around, and no, the kid doesn’t know if our paperwork has been sent. ($%#@*&!!!!)

14) Friday at 10 am we FINALLY get the call that our closing is scheduled at 1:30. (yaaaaaaaay)

15) We get to the closing, and we find out that there was a mistake in our closing estimates….and we’re coming out $3K ahead of where we thought we were. (yaaaaaaay!)

16) We sign all the papers, and we are then told that this amazingly professional, wonderfully efficient mortgage company still has to fund the loan. Oh, and they are leaving at 3pm for the holiday weekend. It’s now 2pm. ($%#@*&!!!!)

17) We go home and huddle up, bracing for the plague of locusts that is bound to show up next.

18) At 3:30, we get the call that the loan is funded, the papers are filed, and the nightmare is OOO-VAH! (finish all your drinks)!

We are really glad we had a great buyer who was both cooperative and

perseverant. And our agents were great through the whole thing, too.

Dorothy

This entry was posted on Sunday, April 11th, 2004 at 3:45 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

---

Leave a Reply

Name (required)

Email (required)

Website

---

---