Wednesday, November 17th, 2004

Last Abortion Post

There’s an unspoken assumption, I think, among people who argue about abortion rights. There’s a sense that the woman involved is at best, young and irresponsible, and at worst, a total slut. I’ve felt this from people on both sides of the issue (I’ve even heard people who support choice say they assumed only teenagers had abortions), and it seems like the issue is just how much sympathy you have for the poor slut.

Once again, I think half-toning is the best approach. This story is true. I am eliminating names. And no, I don’t have any idea how it ended. Whatever your feelings on abortion, how would you advise this woman?

Some years ago, my husband taught developmental math at a community college. For those of you who don’t know, developmental classes are “stuff you were supposed to have learned before you graduated from high school but didn’t for some reason.” In this case, it was basic math at about the 5th-6th grade level. In his evening classes, my husband had several adult students.

One of them was a very sweet woman whose children were starting grade school; she was also a few months pregnant. As her kids approached the level of math classes that she had always failed in school, she realized she would no longer be able to help them with their homework. She also wanted to prove to herself that she could do it, that she wasn’t stupid. That was the extent of her ambition. No degree plan, just on, maybe two semesters of one math class each.

After the semester started, her husband apparently changed his mind about her going back to school. He began sabotaging her efforts, not coming home in time to take the kids so she could get to class on time, not helping her have time to study, planning other events on days he knew she had tests, etc. The strain was pretty clear.

Then the pregnancy began to go south. She was placed on partial bedrest: she could only get out of bed if she was in a wheelchair. She had about a month left in the semester, and she worked out ways with my husband that she could finish the class.

Then her husband filed for divorce. She dropped out of school shortly after that.

So now what does she do? She can’t take care of her children while she’s on near total bedrest, and she couldn’t continue at her part time job. Depending on what papers her husband has filed, she might not even have health insurance for what is clearly a problem pregnancy. And she certainly doesn’t have the support structure she had when the pregnancy started. Like I said when I started, I have no idea how this story ended. I can only hope that this woman got whatever help she needed and came through it well.

I wonder how many times women start a pregnancy as a panned and welcome event, and then during the next six months, their circumstances change so much that they can’t imagine continuing it. When I discovered that the pro-life groups I was involved with were more interested in shouting slogans and making the news than helping out pregnant women who would turn to abortion out of desperation, I realized it was more about “punishing the sluts” than actually caring about these women or their babies.

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