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Sunday, April 22nd, 2007

It All Makes Perfect Sense Now!

Camile Paglia suggests a very provocative and compelling reason for the recent shooting rampage by a student at Virgina Tech:

The pervasive hook-up culture at college, where girls are prepared to sleep with boys they barely know or fancy, can be a source of seething resentment and alienation for those who are left out.

Young women now seem to want to behave like men and have sex without commitment. The signals they are giving are very confusing, and rage and humiliation build up in boys who are spurned again and again.

In typical, snarky lefty blogofacist fashion, Bradly S. Rocket over at Sadly, No! dismisses Ms. Paglia’s thesis as “tragically and depressingly stupid”. I believe that Dr. Rocket is too enthralled by knee-jerk, “blame men for the stuff they do” feminazis* to truly understand simple brilliance of Ms. Paglia’s insight.

If we take Ms. Paglia’s thesis as given, it provides us a concrete, mathematically provable method of reducing spree killings in our society.

If the only young men who kill people are those who are not getting laid, then we can describe the number of potential killers with the following function:

Men - Available Lays = Killers

Since the value of Men is a measured constant, we can only reduce the number of Killers by increasing the number of Available Lays. To estimate the value of Available Lays, we need to multiply the number of young women** by the average number of unique sexual partners they have during their college years (18 to 23). Recognizing that women are not a homogenous unit, for this example we will use four different sub-groups of women:

  • Virgins, whose average number of unique partners = 0 (duh!)
  • Faithful Girls, whose average number of unique partners = 2 (one at a time, of course)
  • Easy Girls, whose average number of unique partners = 5
  • Dirty Sluts, whose average number of unique partners = 10

So the value of Available Lays can be found with the following equation:

(Virgins * 0) + (Faithful Girls * 2) + (Easy Girls * 5) + (Dirty Sluts * 10)

Clearly, then, if we want to decrease the number of Killers, we must do everything in our power to encourage women to move into the sub-groups that have greater impact on the number of Available Lays:

  • Each Faithful Girl who becomes an Easy Girl reduces the number of Killers by 3.
  • Each Easy Girl who becomes a Dirty Slut reduces the number of Killers by an additional 5.
  • Virgins have no impact on Available Lays and do not reduce the number of Killers at all. (This sub-group of women is therefore most responsible for spree killers and should be actively discouraged . If the number of Killers reaches a crisis point, it may be necessary to ban Virgins by law.)

If you are a woman between the ages of 18 and 23, it is critical that you take Ms. Paglia’s thesis seriously and adjust your sexual behavior accordingly. Fuck early and fuck often: the life you save may be your own.

* Give it up, Brad–the man-hating lesbians are never going to blow you.
** Don’t tell me that I didn’t count the homosexuals; we all know that homosexuals don’t really exist.

This entry was posted on Sunday, April 22nd, 2007 at 8:39 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

3 Responses to “It All Makes Perfect Sense Now!”

  1. Blue Jean Says:
    April 23rd, 2007 at 8:52 pm

    Hmmm…I don’t know if that’s incentive enough. I mean, soldiers get medals of honor for carrying out particularly dangerous missions or doing particularly heroic deeds; shouldn’t wimmin get medals for sleeping with particularly repulsive lunatics? The Geek Golden Fleece, perhaps, or the Psycho Purple Heart. These could be worn proudly for formal pictures, job interviews, or just a night out on the town, when you’d like a free drink and somebody to tell your story to. Of course, all medical treatment for VD, AIDS, pregnancy, abortion, etc. would be provided by the guvmint free of charge.

  2. Kristina Says:
    April 28th, 2007 at 9:21 pm

    While your arithmetic is intuitive, it is not clear which category shift is the most preferable. For that, we would need to know exactly the number of women in each subcategory in a standardized population, perform multiple linear regressions, controlling for each subgroup, and then you can show just how exactly each category affects the number of killers.

    I smell a research grant.

    I came here from Feminisiting. Hilarious.

  3. blogwhore3 Says:
    May 4th, 2007 at 11:35 am

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